I’m lonely. I have this feeling that there’s no one among the people I know who could truly make me feel better. I realize that it’s okay, and this has happened to me many times before. Even though knowing that makes it a bit easier to handle, it still feels awful.

Actually, I’m not wrong about the lack of close people in my life. Generally, I feel like I’m losing ground in both the quality and quantity of my relationships. Honestly, that’s kinda weird to me, because it turns out I am a good person - better than I ever thought. I’m always kind to people, I stay calm in conflicts, I try to be as sincere as I can, and I do not stop looking for ways to become even better. It often seems like I’m much more willing to support and improve relationships than the other person involved. I can’t tell if it’s just bad luck or if I’m doing something wrong.

Also, I’m not doing great regarding my lifestyle. For hours, I scroll Instagram and YouTube, play chess, read Reddit, and do other meaningless things. I’ve written about this before, but it’s much harder to stay on the right path when you feel down. What’s even worse, it’s both the cause and the result of me feeling so devastated.

Clearly, it’s not all negative. I keep growing in every aspect of my life. I’ve noticed how much I take for granted all the improvements I’ve made as a person, which weren’t even there not long ago. Sometimes focusing on the positive aspects is really hard. It seems like the results are disproportionate to the amount of effort I put into getting them. Perhaps I’m just way too impatient.